Week Counting

I can't think of any other stage in my life where I have used weeks to mark the passage of time. It strikes me as a little odd that pregnancy is that way though. At the beginning it feels like 40 weeks is the longest time ever. I mean EVER. It feels like it will never get here, so just don't think about it or dwell on how long you will be a bloated porpoise or how long it will take for you to blow up to bloated porpoise size. For the record, I haven't ever seen a bloated porpoise, or any porpoise for that matter, but it sounds round and bulbous, and that's how I feel, so there.

I'm a little hesitant to post this, because I don't want to give it any more of my attention...as if that will somehow make it more true, or more likely to remain true, but I'm a big mouth...At our last midwife appointment, our baby was breech. For most moms this is absolutely no big deal. Afterall, I was only 32 weeks preggo at the time (now I'm 32.5). Right after our midwife determined the position, baby flipped transverse (sideways for those not familiar with the lingo) which is a good sign meaning that there is still plenty of room for the head to wedge itself down into my pelvis.

It's early, and at the appointment and all throughout the rest of the day I was fine. I didn't worry about it, but then all of the memories of being powerless to do anything to stop my inevitable c-section last time came rushing back. I bawled that night. I worried that I was selfish to seek the birth that I want, that I might not be strong enough to do the birth thin, that I might not be worthy, ya know, your usual run of the mill gammet of self pity and loathing.

I woke up and was fine in the morning and ever since. I'm working on focusing what is within my power, trusting my body and the birth process, and just relaxing a bit...plus adding in some chiropractic appointments for good measure.

I go back to the midwife next week (at 33.5 weeks if you're counting), and hopefully I'll have some great news to share!!

30 weeks

Okay, I swear I didn't fall off the face of the earth. I'm still here, and this is what I look like tonight. Today I am 30.5 weeks pregnant. And yes, that is me standing in our new livingroom. If you look closely you can see our gorgeous hardwood floors, but don't look too closely, I haven't swept in a few days...and our dog tends to shed that luxurious golden winter coat...everywhere.

In general things are pretty great. We have our health....oh wait, except that we had to take babyjama to the hospital today to make sure that she didn't have life threatening epiglotitis. One short x-ray and blood test later, we found out that she had just what we expected all along...croup, and she'll basically just get better on her own. Thank you modern medicine. Don't get me wrong, I love ruling out life threatening diseases, but I'm pregnant and cumbersome, and I'm allowed to be grumpy about pacing the halls of the hospital while we wait for the results of the tests and balancing a groggy tot above my belly. I seriously don't understand why my biceps aren't bigger from all the heavy lifting that I do. I should look like Schwarzenegger from his body building days (at least from shoulder to fingertip).

In other news, babyjama is two years old as of this past weekend. I cannot believe how big she is. I mean I can, but part of me remembers that squishy newborn, and I can't seem to get it in my mind that she's not that person anymore, well she is...only bigger and smarter, with more hair and smellier poop.

This pregnancy is so different from the last. First off, it's going by so quickly. I sort of held my breath between prenatal appointments the first time around and willed them to come earlier. I just loved hearing baby progress of any kind. I still love hearing progress, but this time around it feels like a week or so goes by and my next appointment is upon us. The other day I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflection of our door, and I couldn't believe how huge my belly had gotten. Okay, seriously, last time I gained about 50 pounds....possibly more, and this time I've gained 20 so far. So I get that I'm not really "huge", but we have no full length mirrors in the house, so to see my whole self like that was kind of a shock. Anyway, so back to the prenatal visits, we had one this past weekend, and I can't believe that I'm 10 weeks away, and already next weekend we'll be seeing our midwife again. We're down to the end of pregnancy stuff. I'm well into the third trimester, and I'm wondering where all my preparation time has gone.

Oh, and I have a confession to make. I have not bought one thing for the new baby. Not one. I haven't even started making the baby a blanket (although I do have a pattern picked out). Does that make me love this baby less or something? It's so strange. With babyjama everything we bought for her, and with the new baby it's like "meh, we can make all the old stuff work for this one too". We didn't find out what sex babyjama was either, so we have tons of newborn and 3 month onesies that wouldn't mortify a young man on prom night when I show his date the photos. Really I think that's all a baby needs for the first couple of months...well other than diapers, and we will have to get some extras of those, but for the most part, we're even going to be reusing our cloth diapers.

I won't bore you with all of my pregnancy aches and pains...or maybe I will. If you don't like to read about other people's bodily stuff, please avert your eyes. I'll do a little *** when I'm all done.

1) My back is freaking killing me. I know all pregnant women complain of this, but seriously, mine could catch fire and I wouldn't notice a difference. It's been much worse this week with all of the holding babyjama cradled in my arms with sickness.

2) I seriously think my pelvis is breaking in two. I know it's kind of supposed to do that, but come one, can't it just do that during labor?!

3) The bottom of my feet are crying out from the extra weight. I've gained 20 pounds, and I now understand why people who gain a lot of weight develop joint and foot problems, and I feel for them...a lot.

4) My bowels seem to be protesting the way that little Gonzo is taking up their space. Gonzo seems to think that's funny and keeps stretching and growing like a big F-You to my internal parts...and my internal parts are tattling and whining about it. Just for the record, I don't like bullies or tattle tales.

5) Did I mention my back?

***

Okay, yeah, I think I've used up my computer time, but I couldn't seem to stay away any longer.

Transforming Dingy

Update** We are on day three of no dairy, and the rash seems much better. And by seems much better, I can say that we got a full night of sleep last night for the first time in a week. I am thanking the allergy gods for this one, because good lord mama needed her some sleep.

I have realized that I haven't updated on our new house situation, well, at all. The house is coming along beautifully (and well, it should be since papajama and my dad have been spending a good portion of their lives there). I am so pleased with the progress so far. Sadly, I don't think I can get the "before" pictures of the interior to upload onto this computer, but I'll try and create a little visual for you.

The living room and dining room are what one sees when you first enter our new home. When work began, the first thing that greeted you was a stale smell, and stained light blue carpet throughout. The living room and dining room walls were mostly papered with a light pink and blue floral wall paper that had just a hint of a metallic sheen to it (I'm guessing it was circa 1989). There were a couple of walls that had been painted blue (I'm guessing as accent walls) to match the paper. Oh, and all of the paper was browned and icky from cigarette smoke. Okay, that's not just the front rooms either. The ceilings had an awful texture on them that looked like it could impale someone if they were able to hang out up there. And the whole house was a bit dingy from years of cigarette smoke.

From the lovely dining room, you can enter the kitchen. The cabinets are simple, and have a nice finish to them, but again, there was the choice of wall paper. A pink, blue, and off-white confetti pattern (complete with texture) greeted the eye in the tiny kitchen.

Down the hall and straight ahead is the children's room...well it's babyjama's room for now, but we plan to let the kids share it for a couple of years. It's walls were bright blue with disgustingly discolored white trim. The remainder of the rooms were painted a white or off white color that wasn't so bad, but like I said, the whole place had been discolored from all of the cigarette smoke.

Now, 8 days until move-in day, there has been quite a bit of progress. The entire downstairs has been repainted. My sister-in-law makes fun of me because I use the actual names of the paint colors to describe them. Our livingroom and diningroom and downstairs hall have been painted in "baked brie"...which is basically a yellowish off-white. It just looked white until the trim got painted white.

The children's room is a light green, to go with either boy or girl things. On a side note, I've been searching and searching for a new bedspread for babyjama so that she can have a coordinated room.

The master bedroom is painted a deep gray that I LOVE. It is such a soothing gray, and I can't wait to wake up in the morning surrounded in it.

Oh yeah, and the kitchen hasn't been painted yet. It will be a dark blue, and I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Now that the bulk of the painting has been finished, attention is shifting to the floors. All the carpets have been pulled out, and the floors are being prepared to be refinished this weekend. It's like a new house every time I walk into our place. Honestly, it doesn't look...or smell anything like it did when we bought it. I'm so glad that we were able to look past the UUUUgly and see the charm of this house. We're going to be very happy there, and I can't see us moving again for a VERY long time.

22 Weeks and the Creepy Crawlies

Yeah, 22 weeks today. Not really much to tell in the pregnancy realm. I'm still growing and the baby kicks a lot, but pretty much no news is good news at this point. I'm in that middle stage where I can't really complain much. Sure, I have incessant pregnancy acne (someone told me that means a girl), my lower back is sore, and I'm prone to bouts of heartburn, but all in all, it's not a bad gig. There is always someone who is willing to rub a pregnant lady's feet (unless there's no one around), so I figure it's a fair trade off.

Babyjama has a bad rash that I sometimes like to refer to as the creepy-crawly-itchy. It doesn't seem to bother her until the middle of the night, at which time she begs me to amputate her left leg...which I refuse to do...so we settle for me putting some soothing lotion on it and sitting on the couch with her while she dozes back off while watching a movie. So, if my face looks a little puffy this week, I'm blaming it on sleepless nights. I refuse to resign myself to looking puffy for the rest of the pregnancy...I have a long way to go still, and yes, I still have a bit of vanity left in me.

After one sleepless night I made babyjama a doctor's appointment. She asked me some questions about babyjama's rash, and what makes it better or worse, etc. Then she took one look at it and said she thought it was food related. THAT was not what I wanted to hear. And then she went on to say that she thought it was dairy related (babyjama's favorite food). At that point I punched the nice doctor in the face and took my business elsewhere. Okay, so I didn't punch her, or take my business elsewhere, but it's not easy to hear that you have to cut out your child's favorite food...even for a couple of weeks. I resisted for the first couple of days. I thought that maybe I could just switch to organic products and cut down...but after three nights with no sleep, I'll try anything.

Papajama and I went to work hard on a dairy free/easily substituted menu last night, and actually it wasn't that bad. I didn't think I would be able to think of anything to make, but it's going to be fine. Let's just hope that I don't have to do this over the long term. I want to be able to order a pizza again sometime in this life.

Urination Investigation

Ah, it feels good to be sitting in this chair, in this particular chair where I write all of my blog posts. I haven't been on the computer to just sit and relax in over a week. Sure I have my phone to check email and be able to read a blog post here and there, but it isn't the same at all.

Yesterday, as with the Tuesday two weeks ago, babyjama was driving me absolutely batshit crazy. Maybe that's not very nice to say of my offspring, but there was a short amount of time before bed last night when I thought I might scream. I didn't really know if I would be able to stop if I got started, so I reconsidered.

Babyjama has taken to urinating in inconvenient places around the house. This was the case two weeks ago, and I thought we had nipped it in the bud, but yesterday every time the phone rang she would find a spot and let loose. And I know it's on purpose. My little darling tot knows how to use the potty, and apparently she also knows exactly the spot that will make me angriest if she pees there.

I'm pretty sure that she's acting out because she needs more attention, or more stimulation, or something. I have been spending far too much time on the phone the past couple of weeks, and I am working on that. But seriously, how many more times can all of the towels in the house, and all of the bedding in the house need washing before they send me to Betty Ford?

I know it isn't just that stuff that is causing the misbehavior though. Our life is kind of upside down right now. Papajama is gone all day at work, and all evening working on the new house. I'm packing and boxing up our posessions, and we haven't gone and done anything fun during the day in quite a while. Tomorrow she will get to play with some other kids, so hopefully that will help.

Anyway, it's rough going at the moment, but surprisingly I'm feeling really chipper today. I think the weather is helping. Happy birds chirping does usually help a situation. And we're 2.5 weeks from the big move. That has to be worth something.

Happy Wednesday!

P.S. Had another prenatal appt. last week. Everything is fantastic!

Half way there, or so they say

So here I am, 20 weeks today. They say this is the half way point, but since I didn't find out about this pregnancy until rather late (like 10 weeks or so?), it seems like a much longer stretch ahead than what I've gone through so far.

This weekend we celebrated my 120th day of pregnancy (that doesn't conflict with the 20 weeks along, because they are calculated in two completely different ways). In the Sikh tradition, we celebrate the mother on the 120th day, because it is the day that the baby's soul chooses her as his/her mother. Saturday was to be the day of our celebration, although I'm pretty sure that the actual 120th day was on Tuesday when babyjama and I had such a rough time. I wonder what it says about this kid that he or she chose me on a day when I was being pretty hard on the big sister? Discipline issues already?

Our celebration got curtailed a bit though, because of the crazy ice/snow storm that we had in the afternoon. My folks had made enough Thai red curry to feed an army, and all of the (2) guests that were able to make it without having to turn back due to road conditions had leftovers forced upon them. I didn't hear any complaints though.

The Hukam (reading of Sikh scriptures) that we took that day was absolutely beautiful. I'll share it with you here:

Bilawal Fifth Guru: Ek ong kar satguru prasad. By the Satguru's shabd is lighted the lamp. With that the darkness of the body temple is dispelled and the beauteous cabin of jewels is opened. Rahao. When we saw it, we were astonished and astounded. Its greatness cannot be expressed. We were enraptured and inebriated with that sight and clung to it like a warp and woof. Now no worldly involvements and snares effect us. And not even an iota of haughty intellect is left within us. Oh Lord, thou art the highest of the high. Between thee and me there is no curtain drawn. I am thine and thou art mine. The one unique lord has made the expanse of the world. The One Lord is limitless and infinite. The One Lord is extended in the creation. The One Lord is fully pervasive everywhere and the One Lord is the support of life. The most immaculate of the immaculate the purest of the pure stainless and the truest of the true is he. Nanak says there is no end to the Lord's limit. Ever infinite and the highest of the high is he.

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In addition to the spiritual aspect, and the eating aspect, there was one other awesome thing about this celebration. Namely, the presents...for me! A 120th day celebration is not a baby shower at all, but rather is a celebration of motherhood, and the gifts center around what she will need to help her through the pregnancy and birth. I got tons of goodies. One of my favorites was a prenatal yoga DVD by a really gentle instructor. I've been doing it every day since I got it, and while I'm sore, I feel really good.

One thing that the instructor says in the class is something that at first struck me as really cheesy, but now has taken on new meaning. During this part of the yoga set, we dance and let our hips open up and flow with the music. For the last minute of the dance she says to turn it into a dance on gratefulness. She says to be grateful to all the people in your life who have helped make you who you are so that this child's soul has chosen you as a parent. At first I was resistent to this idea because it means that I would then have to be grateful for all the people along the way that have made my life a living hell, and who wants to be thankful for that? On the other hand, I don't think I can pick and choose which experiences were valuable and which were not. It just doesn't work that way.

So I am. I am filled with gratitude for those who have made me lick the bottom of their shoes, for those who have made me cower in self doubt, for those who have treated me like a nobody, for those who ridiculed and slandered me, for those who folded me in caring arms, and for those who challenged me to live up to my potential.

I was resistant to being thankful for even the "bad" relatioships, because I thought that that meant that I have to play nice, or be cheerful about those people. But that isn't the case at all. The relationship can serve the purpose of teaching, but that doesn't mean I have to embrace mistreatment as alright. On the contrary, the lesson may be to teach me to stand up against that. And that is what the gratitude is for. It is gratitude for the lesson.

Hope you are all having a happy and healthy week!

"In the Motherhood" had no moms in sight

Things haven't been going so great the last week or so in the world of "my kid is a potty prodigy". In fact, things got so bad that I was glad if I caught babyjama in the act and could get her to the pot while she had a couple of trickles left to squeeze out...which is saying a lot since three weeks ago I was singing her praises for not having any accidents at all...basically ever. Well, I should say that these last few days have been full of non-potty pee incidents, rather than accidents...but I'll get into that later.

Yesterday was a freaking horrible hellatious day, that I never ever ever want to relive again ever. It was a day that tried my parenting soul to the core, but like I said I'll get to that later. Today was much better, but I was (if I'm being totally honest) looking forward to a night of good TV. Thursdays happen to be one of my favorite nights for TV, because A) there is a local restaurant review show on, and B) I'm a huge fan of "The Office". I was pretty excited that tonight was also the premier of what I thought was going to be a great new show. I had seen a bunch of previews for a "In the Motherhood", and thought it looked funny.

I thought maybe it would be a true slice of motherhood (since it supposedly is based on true mothering experience). I didn't see any of that. Sure the first scene was the single mother coming home to her house in shambles and the kids running amock and promptly walking back out the door without saying hello to any of them and going to have drinks at her sister's house. That's funny, sorta, I guess. I just don't see the slice of reality I'm hoping for. The truth is that moms really don't get to just decide not to go home. In fact, I know of some single working moms who fight really hard to get one evening once a month to themselves. Forget about just deciding not to come home in the evening.

Okay, so maybe I can get past the fact that nothing is realistic. It's a show, and nothing on TV is supposed to be realistic. Fine. But the humor? I think it was supposed to be funny because moms are supposed to relate. And there were definitely a few silly lines that got me to chuckle, like the one about missing being pregnant because it makes your legs look skinny. That was definitely funny. But the whole story line? The mom who needs to have sex because it's supposedly the third date? The "mom" from Will and Grace who pretends to be pregnant for the free loot? And the perfectionist mom who tells her kids that Santa isn't real in order to claim that she's completely honest with her kids? I just don't relate to these women.

I guess what I was hoping for was more of a Seinfeld type of Mom show. It doesn't really have to be about anything, because to me that's what makes motherhood so interesting and funny. The silly little things that happen every day. It's a mundane job, and to try and make it into a tight little story line like that is trite and well, dumb. I think they should have some of my favorite bloggers as writers for the show. I would so like to see this story reenacted on TV. Or watch this kind of single mom. Or see this happen in a day in the life of a stay at home TV mom (not all of our kids go to preschool while we run on the treadmill...with blonde hair bouncing)

Another bone that I have to pick, is that I feel like this show is using some stereotypes of moms that are just kind of annoying. There is the bitchy perfectionist mom. Her house is perfect, her hair is perfect, her kids are perfect, and her sex life is perfect. The scattered single mom. She brings her personal life to work, her house is a mess...her life is chaos. The dettached mom. She isn't into her kid, because she's gotten older and wants to focus on herself. Anyway, I guess I was looking for more well rounded characters, people I could relate to or something.

I might give the show a second chance (only because the commercials for the show really were that good), but my hopes are not high.

Okay, so I really will fill you in on how my child is way too smart, and she has learned to use urine as a weapon, but I think I have to save it for another post. I'm beat...and I should be. Seeing as how this pregnant body-o-mine is already past its automatic shut-off time for the evening.