Cackle Cackle!
Here I sit on my broomstick...with er...my laptop (this is a very precarious position to be in). I'm stuffed from all the bon-bons I've been throwing back today...ya know since I don't actually DO anything productive with my time. Nope...I don't budget, or keep the house organized, or clean, or take in freelance work, or volunteer.
I won't go into a tirade about how difficult it is to be a mother, and a wife, and how now that I have kids, a blog is a great way to meet new people, and stay in touch with my friends...because obviously I'm just making excuses for being a low-life scum bag of a human being, and I don't deserve to have contact with the outside world...unless it's through playdates, or some approved of corporate job. Thank you, point taken.
As a side note, I am seriously considering not allowing anonymous comments anymore...Any thoughts?
Now onto the business of today. After shopping for my absolutely gorgeous (to die for) tiara with JNo today, I took the broomstick express lane to bypass all of the black Friday traffic and went to the local natural kids store for some shopping for babyjama (papajama came along too, of course). She is now the owner of the cutest black leather mary janes in the whole world. Her first few steps in actual shoes were hillarious. We've been using soft soled shoes exclusively on her since the time that she started walking. Anyway, she looked like she was trying to step over something really big for a while. It. Was. Precious.
When we got up to the register to pay, I was fumbling with our budget envelopes marked with things like "tiara", "diamonds for mama", and "bon-bons"...or was it gifts, and babyjama's clothes?...Oh who can remember?! The shop owner took note and asked if we were on the Dave Ramsey program. I grinned and said that we've been happily doing the budgeting system for over a year now.
The comment in the shop sent papajama and I wandering down memory lane, and started up a conversation about how the hard work of budgeting is so worth the results. Money used to be our least favorite topic as a couple, and it has become one of our favorites. We have goals, we have dreams, we are grounded in reality, and we have the discipline to make it happen.
Papajama mentioned that the holidays used to be such a stressful time for him financially, because he was going further and further into debt every month, and the holidays just compounded the problem. Now we budget a certain amount for the holidays, and it takes the stress away. And the best part is, it's working! We're at the point now where we can taste the end of the payment cycles. Our car will be paid off at the end of this month which will leave us with nothing to pay off except our student loans.
Okay, sorry for the long budgeting tangent, but I've gotta go. My ass is starting to chafe from this broomstick, and I need to go beat my maid and make sure that the poor are going hungry, oh yeah, and that my tiara is nice and polished.
xoxo
The Wicked Witch of the Midwest
Well, that’s a relief
5 hours ago
9 comments:
Just for fun, I've taken it upon myself to dissect anonymous' comments.
Because, you see, I don't have a life.
Let's get going!
She said:
"I read your blog I sense a lot of self absorbed thought."
Hmmm...where do you see that, Anon? Do you notice that every time she posts she posts about a gift or a craft she is making for someone else? Did you also notice she is working herself into 10-day-old Bavarian pretzel knots trying to make others happy?
Moving on:
"You appear to be immature and selfish. Perhaps this isn't about you. I am a mother and a DIL - and soon to be MIL. The bottom line is your MIL is the mother of your husband. This in itself deserves respect. Have you asked yourself what you can do for the relationship?"
Hmmm... Anon, this strikes me as so odd. It's interesting to me that you could have read that entire post and NOT seen that the whole entry was about mamajama having spent countless hours trying to decide what else she could do to make the relationship better. She has come to the point where she is realizing that she will never, in and of herself, make her mother happy. She will die trying. There is such a thing as healthy boundary-setting. You don't continually walk back to the Auto-Slapper 1001 when your face is red and bruised and your ass looks no better. You call it selfishness? I call it something different entirely. Self-preservation.
Let's move on, kids!
"Your energy would be better spent in so many other ways - helping others, striving for personal growth through counseling and expanding your views by actually listening to those who have different opinions."
Hmmm.. once again, I find it a tad bit amusing that you are counseling mamajama on how to better spend her time, when you yourself are ANONYMOUSLY COMMENTING ON STRANGERS' BLOGS! Gutsy, that one.
And point B (sorry, there was no point A): Did you know that Mamajama and I have polar opposite views on many things? Yes, we do. She has never belittled me or told me I am a moron for believing what I do. She has fostered open and honest discussion. Now THAT'S gutsy.
This is getting good:
"I find that when I am feeling 'low' if I start thinking about others - doing for others and thinking of others that I actually feel better. I suggest you take your negative energies and start thinking of others rather than yourself."
Yes, Mamajama, you are a selfish bitch who has always come to my aid with a kind word or deed whenever I have needed it. Anon, who has never met you and only reads snippets of your life on this blog, declares it is so, in her grandmotherly wisdom.
I am willing to bet that anon is either very angry that she has acted as Doormat all of her life, or she is just bored. I'm willing to bet a bottle of Diet Rite and my 1999 Buick LeSabre that the latter is true.
Oh, this is fun!
"Bottom line is your husband would not be here without your MIL."
So, can I say that my husband would not be here without my MIL, so I should never ever even think about asking her why she left him to his own defenses when he was a child? Why she still has $40,000 that was his in the first place and lied about it when confronted? It's healthy to just let past hurts fester and rot under the band-aid? If half the world would just admit to the hurts of the past and strive for more authentic relationships, I can guarantee we wouldn't have so many anonymous, angry comments.
"She may have hurt you in many ways but have you asked yourself how you may have hurt her? There are always two sides to every story - I do hope that for Christmas you are able to step outside of yourself and put your daughter and husband first - this would be the best Christmas gift."
Please, MamaJama, stop being a bitch on rollerskates and invite your MIL over for pumpkin pie and an evening of passive-aggressive, bitchy comments.
It's the right thing to do, Dammit!
:)
Ha.Ha. I see the girls are having fun! :)
As for the Anonymous comments, I thought about it, and then changed it after someone started getting nasty. It doesn't matter. He/She just signed up for a google account under the name Anonymous, and then made their profile private. It didn't change anything.
However...
When I became suspicious that my nasty commenter and lurker was somebody who also leaves little nasty bombs on another blog I read, I signed up for sitemeter. It's been helpful. It doesn't tell you who they are, but it does tell you where they're logged in, city, state, country, etc...And that has been helpful. It also lets me know how many people are visiting on a daily basis. You'd be surprised.
Anyhoo,
Thanks for the laugh! I felt it necessary to stand up for you, but I see you're doing a damn good job of it on your own!! :)
I'm with monkeygirl on that one - you're doing just fine! These Anonymous idiots are always ball-less, piss-poor excuses for human beings, so I was pleased to see your defense. I am always amazed by the little minds that try to put the accomplishments of others down, simply because they have no life of their own. Keep the faith, Mamjama. Your loyal readers and friends are with ya, Girl. Now, tell us more about this financial thang...
Pipsylou - you are so eloquent in your dissection of Anon's comments - you were so much nicer and more tactful than I could've been. Do you want a tiara too? Mamajama - you handled it well - I laid away worrying about the comments, if you'd be okay, and then I realized that none of the "points" that Anon made fit either of us. Me think Anon doth protests too much. So, either block 'em or put them in the bubble. Don't understand why they're reading if they're so "offended" by your quest for answers. Glad you're enjoying the tiara - it sets of your eyes nicely! Peace, Jen
Hi, this is Sarah, eldest daughter of infamous MIL. I am not going to get into details or issues. However, I will say this has gotten way out of control.
Yes, Mamajama has a right to blog about whatever she wishes. I do believe, it becomes a matter of respect as to what one writes about on their very public, very world wide web editorial.
I also want to clear up that no one in my immediate family reads the blog. I look to mamajamas blog for pictures of my very gorgeous, very sweet niece. That being said, any hurtful words (which, saddens me we're all adults and this is what it has come to) are reaching the intended victim. My family is very protective and very loyal.
I feel there may have been irreperable damage done. It saddens me. Again, I have said nothing here for Pipslou or Jen or whomever else to jump on me for. Anyone - stay at home mom, career person, MIL, DIL, SIL, MILF, whatthefuckever can see this has gotten out of control. People's feelings are at stake. A family is at stake.
I assure you my family, while sadened by the situation, has moved on and really is not spending as much energy on the situation as this blog has. It is what it is.
Sorry, I reposted because I accidentally used a real name.
***
I think that might be the problem. With fierce loyalty, all objectivity is lost.
Mamajama, I just want you to know I'm here for you, as so much of your situation mirrors my own.
I guess most of it boils down to this: What kind of a Legacy do you want to continue in your own nuclear family?
This is the question we had to ask ourselves, again, and again, and again. In my quest to make everyone else happy, I made myself and my husband and children miserable.
We finally sat down and said, "Enough is enough. Enough of the drama, enough of the 'he said, she said', enough, enough, enough."
An example from my own life: We told our extended families that we were no longer going to be running here and there on holidays simply to avoid hurt feelings, while our own children were run ragged. We weren't going to be playing into the jealousy and games that were being played. We were hit with anger and resentment and more of the same "you hurt my feelings," simply because we had said, "No; This is our line in the sand. This is not good for our own family."
You set these boundaries and you begin to see who really cares about you.
I think you two are at that point. And while it is incredibly, incredibly painful, it is also extremely cathartic.
Babyjama will thank you for drawing your own lines in the sand in these matters when she is old enough to articulate. You are teaching her that it is ok to say, "No, this is not healthy, or good, for me."
I am striving to do this for my children every day. I want them to be able to articulate that having their own feelings and desires about the way things should be is not selfish. It is healthy.
In our boundaryless society, it is so easy to get sucked into the idea that if you say "no", you are selfish and uncaring. In most relationships, there is no room for dissent.
This journey we have been on has been so healing. And I have seen positive changes in Scott's relationships, too.
Again, I'm behind you, girl! Only you would give this so much thought and agonize over it so much. You and I are such peace-keepers that it is so hard when we make the waves. We just want it to be "better".
Noble, to be sure, but not always possible.
Hey Mamajama, it's you're little sister. I've been reading all the comments and everything, fighting my urge to try and kick someone's ass via web. Instead I'd just like to remind you of what a great older sister you have always been to me. I can see you now thinking over every little thing, wondering how you have been self absorbed, so let me remind you of our childhood; of you teaching me to ride my bike because you were the only one with the patience to put up with my horrible temper, of you (as the oldest) sharring a room with our younger sister through high school so that I could have my own room, of you offering me a place to live when I got out of college completely broke. As a trully self absorbed person, I look to you as an example of how to be better. Love you.
So much has been said about this...it seems a bit silly.
With that said, I'd like to invite Sarah to reread your sister-in-law's post, and tell me where exactly where she name called, put-down, or in any other matter was rude to your mother. Honestly, I thought MamaSense was speaking from the heart about a matter that is complex and given her much grief.
It wasn't until you piped in and started calling your sister-in-law stupid, lazy, and some other prime words, that us blog friends felt the need to come to her defence. This is when things as you say, got 'out of control'.
I've lived the last 20 years with my husband. I, too, tried to get the approval from my MIL. I didn't understand why she disliked me so much. What I came to find out is...that really she wouldn't have been happy with anyone. That it was hard for her to imagine that her son made decisions that really didn't involve her anymore, and another women came first in his heart.
I choose to believe that there's enough love in one's heart for many people. However, there are many people who need to feel that they come first...sometimes making it so that someone has to 'choose sides'. I've chosen to not play my MIL's game. My own parents came to love my husband (their SIL) and don't feel threatened by him but see him as the person who has made me so happy, and that he is the father to their grandchildren.
So enough with the games and name calling...that is not helping your family, nor is it helping your sister-in-law and mother.
One of my favorite movies is, Home for the Holiday with Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.. If only my family was that funny in their dysfunction. Rent it, watch it and maybe you'll understand better what you're doing.
Post a Comment