This morning started out all wrong. I drove papajama to work this morning, and on the way read the post of a dear friend. She found out that she was pregnant a couple of weeks after I did, and went to have her first ultrasound yesterday. The ultrasound technician looked and looked, and said that there were identical twins in there, but couldn't pick up a heartbeat. What a crushing blow. I can't even imagine. There is still some hope that she is off with her dates, or that it wasn't a good read, and so now the waiting begins. Waiting for next week. Waiting to find out about the babies. I'm so mad. Maybe that's a strange emotion to feel, but it's true. I'm mad for my friend.
The second bit of bad news, which actually feels like a small annoyance after hearing about the babies, was about the house that we're trying to buy. After being jerked around all of last week by the listing agent on the property, and our bank, our offer was finally submitted to the bank who owns the house that we want. However, they responded today saying that they don't think the house will qualify for an FHA loan, and that we either need to go convetional or look elsewhere. It this puts us in a little bit of a pickle. We have a certain amount of money that we can pay out of pocket, but we were going to be able to get a better deal on closing costs, and had to put less down with an FHA loan. We need to have some money left over at the end so that we can buy a couple of frivolous things like a stove and a refrigerator. Going conventional makes that nearly impossible. Also, I have this little niggling worry about the property if the bank says that they don't think it's going to qualify for FHA...it makes me think that there's some huge glaring thing wrong with the place, and we haven't found out yet.
On to the most recent of my complaints (which I recognize is my own damn fault). I'm mad at our dog at the moment. I just worked for a good 30 minutes or more to get babyjama down for a much needed and much fought against nap. I rocked and swayed and hummed her carefully to sleep while nearly breaking my back, and just at the critical moment while I was laying her down in her bed, Leo spied the mailman and barked his freaking head off. Now I have a wide awake (and cranky) tot and a dog out in the back yard...which is where I should have put him before rocking and swaying babyjama anyway. Is it too much to ask that he figure out that barking has an effect on a sleeping baby (yes, I know it is)...Damn doofusy dog.
This pregnancy has a weird feel to it. I know so many people who are going through rough times trying to conceive, or the problems of my dear friend. I'm just feeling a little guilty about being so dang happy. I'm sure no one wants me to feel that way, but they don't get to choose and neither do I.
Another example is what is going on with my best friend since high school. She just got engaged a couple of weeks before I found out I was pregnant. She's been talking forever about how she wants to have an August wedding, and asked me to be her maid of honor (matron, if you want to get technical). I said yes of course, and then found out that I'm due to give birth three days after her wedding. Who knows if I'll give birth early or what, and so now it looks like I'm not going to be involved in the wedding afterall. And depending on the timing, I might not even be able to go. I know she's devastated about this, and I feel bad. I know I couldn't have known ahead of time that this was all going to coincide, but it's so upsetting that it is coinciding, and part of me feels like my baby is stealing her show. Which is the last thing that I want.
Okay, that's enough wallowing. There is one thing that I'm very happy to announce. Yesterday we took my first belly picture. Disclaimer: Papajama is not to blame for the slight blurriness. It was early morning, and sorta dark in our house.
Now please all, go send supportive words to pipsylou.
3 comments:
Hey, Girlie, hang in there. I'm sorry you're having such a rough week. Sometimes it's good to have "a good mad on," as The Hubby says. Gets it out of your system! :) It's bound to be a better week next week. Meanwhile, it is a-o.k. for you to yell and growl a bit - enjoy!
I agree with MP, it's good to let out a growl every once and a while. I'm all for letting it out! It's good for the complexion.
Cute pic, you're a tiny little thing!
Thanks for the encouragement ladies! I am hanging in. In fact, the world is looking a bit brighter from this side of last week, even though I'm still terribly sad for pipsylou and her family. MP, getting a good mad on is exactly what I needed, and hopefully it's out of my system for the moment. MG, thank you so much for saying I'm tiny. I will be needing to hear that in about 6 months again...just to let you know.
Post a Comment