Half way there, or so they say

So here I am, 20 weeks today. They say this is the half way point, but since I didn't find out about this pregnancy until rather late (like 10 weeks or so?), it seems like a much longer stretch ahead than what I've gone through so far.

This weekend we celebrated my 120th day of pregnancy (that doesn't conflict with the 20 weeks along, because they are calculated in two completely different ways). In the Sikh tradition, we celebrate the mother on the 120th day, because it is the day that the baby's soul chooses her as his/her mother. Saturday was to be the day of our celebration, although I'm pretty sure that the actual 120th day was on Tuesday when babyjama and I had such a rough time. I wonder what it says about this kid that he or she chose me on a day when I was being pretty hard on the big sister? Discipline issues already?

Our celebration got curtailed a bit though, because of the crazy ice/snow storm that we had in the afternoon. My folks had made enough Thai red curry to feed an army, and all of the (2) guests that were able to make it without having to turn back due to road conditions had leftovers forced upon them. I didn't hear any complaints though.

The Hukam (reading of Sikh scriptures) that we took that day was absolutely beautiful. I'll share it with you here:

Bilawal Fifth Guru: Ek ong kar satguru prasad. By the Satguru's shabd is lighted the lamp. With that the darkness of the body temple is dispelled and the beauteous cabin of jewels is opened. Rahao. When we saw it, we were astonished and astounded. Its greatness cannot be expressed. We were enraptured and inebriated with that sight and clung to it like a warp and woof. Now no worldly involvements and snares effect us. And not even an iota of haughty intellect is left within us. Oh Lord, thou art the highest of the high. Between thee and me there is no curtain drawn. I am thine and thou art mine. The one unique lord has made the expanse of the world. The One Lord is limitless and infinite. The One Lord is extended in the creation. The One Lord is fully pervasive everywhere and the One Lord is the support of life. The most immaculate of the immaculate the purest of the pure stainless and the truest of the true is he. Nanak says there is no end to the Lord's limit. Ever infinite and the highest of the high is he.

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In addition to the spiritual aspect, and the eating aspect, there was one other awesome thing about this celebration. Namely, the presents...for me! A 120th day celebration is not a baby shower at all, but rather is a celebration of motherhood, and the gifts center around what she will need to help her through the pregnancy and birth. I got tons of goodies. One of my favorites was a prenatal yoga DVD by a really gentle instructor. I've been doing it every day since I got it, and while I'm sore, I feel really good.

One thing that the instructor says in the class is something that at first struck me as really cheesy, but now has taken on new meaning. During this part of the yoga set, we dance and let our hips open up and flow with the music. For the last minute of the dance she says to turn it into a dance on gratefulness. She says to be grateful to all the people in your life who have helped make you who you are so that this child's soul has chosen you as a parent. At first I was resistent to this idea because it means that I would then have to be grateful for all the people along the way that have made my life a living hell, and who wants to be thankful for that? On the other hand, I don't think I can pick and choose which experiences were valuable and which were not. It just doesn't work that way.

So I am. I am filled with gratitude for those who have made me lick the bottom of their shoes, for those who have made me cower in self doubt, for those who have treated me like a nobody, for those who ridiculed and slandered me, for those who folded me in caring arms, and for those who challenged me to live up to my potential.

I was resistant to being thankful for even the "bad" relatioships, because I thought that that meant that I have to play nice, or be cheerful about those people. But that isn't the case at all. The relationship can serve the purpose of teaching, but that doesn't mean I have to embrace mistreatment as alright. On the contrary, the lesson may be to teach me to stand up against that. And that is what the gratitude is for. It is gratitude for the lesson.

Hope you are all having a happy and healthy week!