Separation

Finally, we're no longer in a holding pattern for the house. And it all ended up favorably for us. A few minutes after I last posted, I called our realtor and told her that we weren't going to put down even one more penny to get this house. She said okay, and I thought the house was gone.

Later that evening I talked to her again, and in fact she and our lender had hatched a deal. They would pay for the cost of the contract being delayed for two days, and then they got their asses in gear and that got it done. I really think that it was partially a matter of their own money being on the line. We closed yesterday, but it really didn't sink in until papajama started work on the house today.

Yep, we're now homeowners...with all that that entails.

This is not the only tying up of loose ends that has been going on lately. Last night we had dinner with my folks to celebrate the closing, and my sister, Z, was there. She and I are closest in age, but we've been pretty emotionally distant from each other in the last couple of years. We had a pleasant enough evening, but right as babyjama was starting to squawk (signaling that it was time to go home), Z and I began to bicker a little. Nothing heated, just kind of snippy...and as usual it was about something small. Both of us just wanted to save face.

Z and I are not strangers to arguing with each other, and in earlier days, we used to take turns knocking the spit out of each other too...usually using tactics such as hair-pulling, scratching, holding each other down, and don't forget throwing objects (we come by that last one honestly, but I won't tell you how).

Anyway, when I got home I realized that she had been right and so I called her. To my surprise we ended up having a deep conversation about how neither of us feels very important in the others' life and how much we care about each other and want to be more involved. It was the age old dilemma. I thought she found me boring for being a housewife and mom and she thought that I didn't think her life was important because she has chosen a more career oriented path. Turns out, neither of those perceptions is true. We're both just bad at putting ourselves out there, and making each other a priority.

The whole thing was much more lengthy and blubbery than that, full of I love yous and relief that all we really want is more attention from each other. As my dad said this afternoon, "wanting to be more involved with each other is a good problem to have."

It's such an awkward transition between being childhood and adolescent siblings to being adult siblings. Z and I used to get so sick of each other. We shared a room in our early years, shared all of our toys, shared most of our friends. It shouldn't be any wonder that we fought a lot, but at the same time, we were best friends. We hatched schemes, started clubs, picked fights (with others), giggled in the dark together.

Then as adolescence came, we went to separate schools, made different friends, and basically went our own separate ways. I went off to college and didn't really look back much. Sure we had a few weekends together here and there, and would occasionally spend a day parked on my folks' couch, but there was never the same level of fierce love and intense anger back again. It's one of those things you'd never think that you'd miss, until you do.

We knew the most intimate details about each other growing up. Including all of the secret family stuff that would make anyone else run for the hills. I think back now and it's a collection of facts and memories and emotions, but we don't know much about each other as grown women. It was a gradual transition, but we seemed to be absent for it in each other's lives.

I know that that conversation last night was a wonderful start, and I'm truly looking forward to the time that we'll spend catching up, but part of me is just mourning the loss of the old times. Of the people that we used to be. It was simple. We sometimes drove each other crazy, but no matter what we were...

Inseparable.